Somehow every single organization I’m involved with has multiple meetings last week, this week and next week.
And Maggie has begged all week “Mommy, please don’t go to the meeting again” and she wraps herself in my arms.
Today she pouted and said how unfair it is that Caleb and Juli get to spend all day with me and she “never sees me.” I reminded her that when she was that age, I spent every waking moment with *her* too, and we talked of all the fun stuff we use to do like play dates and parties and day trips and body painting at parks and fantastic art projects.
She still cries.
And Jack chimes in with “Mommy why can’t you get off work to come to mine and Maggie’s first basketball game tomorrow night?”
They’ve actually been breaking down the past few weeks, begging me not to go to work.
I make the comparison to them that just like school is their responsibility and they can’t just up and decide not to go, the same is required of adults.
And still Maggie cries when I leave.
And begs me not to go as I walk out the door.
And wow the instinct to answer her pleading call is very real. What life lesson do I want her to learn at the tender age of six? That women are strong, dynamic, capable and responsible to their community to take charge, lead, and participate in the world? Or do I want her to learn that motherhood is the deepest, most precious of all responsibilities and that without good mothers the world would fall to its knees and crumble…and therefore a mothers responsibility is to respond dynamically when their children need them and be there, physically, no matter what?
My mother provided me with that last example so it’s what I naturally reach for.
After nine years as a stay at home mom, what a weird fine line this is to walk, balancing the desire to be an amazing mother and the desire to be “Lisa” again.
I’m not even sure how to merge those two distinct, very different individuals.